To be as insightful as I think I can be, I think that maybe . . . without even trying to I turned into my Grandmother. I of course never tried not to turn into her, I suppose I just woke up this morning and realized that I am more like her than any other family member, on either side.
I am not surprised at all, and she would be so proud to know that I feel this way. But I am sure too that the sense of admiration and the likeness that I share with her are and would have been overwhelming. She was a very modest individual, but also, very gracious, kind and by far the nicest person you would ever meet. She could be so nice at times that you could feel irritated or angry for it. As of yet, that is not one of her qualities that I see in myself. But even now as I am writing this, I can think of simple little things, for example. She could cook and so can I, however, we only have a few specialties, the rest is just “OK.” We can be honest here, no one went to visit Grandma for the food she cooked. We went to visit her for her company, her advice, her stories, her games . . .
And I’ve got stories, advice and games down packed, just ask the kids. I will pick up a board game to play with them, or better yet a deck of cards, before I ever pick up a video game controller. And just like Grandma taught me, I taught Bella how to play Kings in the Corner this Christmas. The same way that Grandma taught me, we played by the rules, no cheats, no short cuts . . . and you wanna know what? One day, that kid will beat me . . .
It isn’t just the games, the stories, or the advice either. My Grandmother was unstoppable, or at least that is how she always seemed to me. Anything she put her mind to, she could accomplish it. She was an incredibly strong woman, whose faith was so connected and strong, who believed in freedom and fought to defend it along with my Grandfather, and who believed in the powers of the Earth and their ability, God’s ability, to provide for his people exactly what they needed to be healthy. It was that part of her that always made me feel like she would live forever . . .
If only that were really true, but now that I see her in myself, maybe in some ways she will live on through me. At least a part of her will anyway.
Yesterday, on the advice of a friend and co-worker, Sheri who knows I am trying to stay away from products with chemicals and things that may be harmful to the body, suggests that I take Valerian Root in place of a muscle relaxer for my back.
So yesterday, I went to the local herbal store and purchased some for $16.45. I honestly never even thought about the price, just that if this worked, I wouldn’t be crawling in a doctor’s office begging for drugs. About 1 to 2 hours after taking it though, I was sitting in positions I have not been able to sit in all weekend. And later into the evening I had it in me to bake cookies, oh my. This morning it just clicked, as I grabbed for the bottle of Valerian Root, not the heating pad, not the Naproxen . . . but the Natural, Herbal, Medicine. Something inside me just felt her, and all the connections came flooding in at once, and so did the tears. This post was hard to write. Not because I did not know what to say, but because I miss her so much, I could not stop the tears from coming. My Grandmother was my best friend, we talked for hours all the time, and I am humbled and honored to have these feelings, and to see her in myself.
Thanks a million for reading!